So, with this pandemic it has been easy for me to put my work on the back burner. It’s been a strange time in the Covid-19 era. However, it’s brought some things to light for me where my work is concerned. I am burnt out, the passion has been dwindling for me for a while now and i have been seriously considering giving up and moving on to pastures new.
I think a huge problem for me and this business have been the financial side of things. It’s an irregular income for me, it needs more time than i can give, and since my degree and the following year, where i worked at it flat out and made very little progress (well it felt like it at the time) I’ve become a little dispoindent about it all, my mojo has gone and i have no enthusiasm for it.
So, i did my tarot yesterday, with the scary and daunting question about my love for it and wether to continue in my field.
I do Gaia tarot, slightly different to standard tarot packs. My connection with these cards are really quite intense and i am still at the very very beginning of learning how intricate they can be. For now I stick with the small reading …. the 3 card spread .. “The Union Spread”.. The Aspect, The soul card, Two become one.
The Aspect : 3 of water ….. this card told me to recognise my success, how hard i have worked for it and how far i have come. It is an affirmation card that tells you to be proud of your achievements and not to forget that. Very fitting i feel. It made me actually look at my achievements and consider reconnecting to it again …. before Covid i was really beginning to get my swing back, courses booked for stone identification, branding, photography shoots booked. It all seems a distant memory. The business was reforming i my mind as the new one i have worked towards for the past few years. I have got grants for new tools which have increased my capabilities now end. I now repurpose jewellery and i am seen a serious contender for that in this market now , in cornwall anyway.
The soul card. The card that needs work, your soul is capable of repair … Ace of Fire. I see fire as action cards, they relate to career and home life. This card is about actively perusing goals, being innovative, creating something new from some thing old (interesting for me literally and metaphorically), to stop planning and do. I think this I can relate too. I know in my soul things have gone stagnant. I need to delve deeper and work on where i want to again. I love my work, i love the clients but there are aspects I struggle with, like website, finances (I’ve never been great with money, always poor), i need to think about finding away around the things that make me anxious and out source maybe?? Anyway, i diverse , this is about imagination, and diversity …. now to overcome the weird mental block I have given myself.
When two become one ….. 9 of water ….. This card !!! Now this card i have pulled on nearly every reading (3 card reading , admittedly I’ve not done many) since some time in early February. It has added and extra facet to my thoughts on things and in one case especially has completely turned my life around. That’s what these cards are for. Far from reading into the future, just to give you and extra thought process you may have not considered. So this card, is pretty long winded and deep. However, to explain it simply, do not let past Experiences trigger negative emotions that aren’t relevant to you in this time (present). In regards to the reading and the relevance to this question, “do i stop making jewellery for a living or not”, it is asking me to look at past emotions, to consider why i have the feelings towards my work that i do and to delve deep. It implies this isn’t going to be an easy journey but it will be the way to clear the negative emotions i have become to connect with work, the reason why i have workshop blockage etc.
I have really thought long and hard about this guidance i have gained. And it all makes perfect sense to me. Instead of me being confused about why I’m struggling to engage with something i love so much, to the point of wanting to give it up, it is making me consider the thing as a whole. This morning i sat down with a pen and paper and started pro’s and cons, likes and dislikes. It became quite obvious to me i am burnt out. It’s not the work, the creativity, which is at the heart of it, its all the other shit that goes with it !!! There isn’t enough time in the day for me to make, work, market, sell, digital shit , admin …… SO, what am i going to do about it? I am going to blog my way though it, as the final card said, unblock those emotions as to how to clear the path.
In having 24 hours to think about it, i know i love my work, i love the clients and i have built something pretty awesome !! The foundations of a good business …. something to not be given up on, i just need to look to the soul, it doesn’t necessarily need reinvention it needs some TLC and i need some space to get making again in a creative level ….. maybe just make some cool stuff for myself? Create a fun project to focus on ….
So, i hope this will be the first blog of many, i don’t expect anyone to read it but if you have and you would like to leave a comment please do below …. until next time